Detoured but not Derailed

Today I find myself reminded of a sermon our Pastor once preached about how God has a plan for everyone of our lives but that sometimes we get off the path that God designed.

I know that all of us have made mistakes, said the totally wrong thing at the totally wrong time, or just simply made a complete fool of ourselves. For me those events replay in my mind like reruns from a canceled sitcom. I find myself going over the event in my mind over and over playing the shoulda, coulda, woulda game with myself and imagining a different outcome. I say "If only I would of done this..." "If only I had not said that..." "If I could do it again I would have done it like this..." There are so many "If onlys" out there that I could probably write a book entitled "If Only..." but that is a waste of my time and a battle that my mind should not participate in.

Sometimes in life we make decisions that cause us to be in circumstances that are not ideal. Sometimes the consequences of our bad decisions are life long and sometimes they are just momentary but the affects of those decisions can still get us off track. I have made decisions that at the time seemed like the hardest decision to make but the outcome didn't really cause a change in my course of direction. But other times I have made decisions that have made me feel like not only am I derailed but I have completely crashed and burned. Man it sucks to feel like you have crashed and burned but it feels even worse whenever you feel as though the whole world is watching.

I know that I have taken several detours along the way and that there are several areas and situations in my life that are less than ideal. I have made decisions that will have lasting affects and at times I ask myself "Why did you make such a stupid choice?" But honestly asking that question does not lessen the affects of the choice or change the circumstances but it does cause me to feel more regret and pain for my mistake. This is something that I have to work on daily... I tend to be a very harsh judge of myself and set goals that are often unobtainable. A better way to say it is I set myself up for failure.

I think that there are many of us that set ourselves us for failure and disappointment, but are we really willing to admit to it? We find excuses for everything that we do not succeed at without taking responsibility for our own self sabotage. How many times I have heard someone say "I didn't get that job because of..." Well maybe they didn't get the job because they represented themselves poorly or they weren't properly prepared but instead of saying that they have to excuse it away.  I know that there have been many things in my life that I have sabotaged for myself, opportunities that I have hindered because of my own actions. I have found that I did these things because I did not feel deserving of the potential benefits that could come with those opportunities. I allowed myself to be so deceived by wrong thinking that I shut doors that God opened... I detoured myself. I made the trip around the block a little but longer and a whole lot harder then it had to be all because of wrong thinking.

Today we were somewhere and I found myself once again having the thoughts of shoulda, coulda, woulda, and if only. I even at one point allowed myself to dwell on those thoughts which in turn caused me to feel self loathing and self pity. But as I step back and put things into perspective I can say with all honesty "Yes I have detoured the plan but I am not derailed." I have not gotten so far off the path that I can't get back on it. I may have to work a little harder and a little longer to get around this road block but I can get there, with God I can get there. I am so thankful that there is never anything that I can do that will truly derail me along the way. I can never get too far away or too lost that I cannot find my way back. And I only know that because I know a God that builds tracks around detours and repairs broken spots along the way. He made a promise to never leave us nor forsake us and I hold tight to that promise. I said proudly today that I may be detoured but I am never derailed...