Christmas has come and I hope that all of you had an enjoyable holiday filled with lots of love. We enjoyed a simple holiday at home which was exactly what we needed. But now that Christmas is over it is time again for us to access the year that will soon be coming to a close and consider what changes we would like to make for the upcoming year. It is time to make those dreaded New Year's resolutions which few people actually keep for more than a few months.
Every year I attempt to make resolutions that I think I can truly fulfill; lose 15lbs in a year, stop drinking cokes, go to bed earlier, maintain the laundry, be a better friend (friends are needed for this one so I tend to not include this one...hahaha), read my Bible more... and the list goes on & on. I very rarely make it 6 months into the year feeling like I am on track with my resolutions. My birthday is shortly after the New Year and I always go out to eat so I have a coke to drink, well there goes one resolution. Then I get to the spring and instead of losing weight I have gained 5 more, guess that one is out. Why do I set myself up to fail? Why do we as people set ourselves up for failure? It is good to have goals for the upcoming year but they need to be obtainable goals that play to our strengths.
So having said that I have decided that this year I am only going to have one resolution, Peace in my life and home no matter what it takes. I had a friend pose the question of New Year's resolutions hence the posting today, but as I was thinking of what I really wanted for myself in the New Year all that came to mind was peace. This year I am seeking peace in every area of my life; relationships, finances, home life, etc. I must have peace. If I have to eliminate relationships from my life then so be it. If commitments have to be cut out then to bad so sad. If beans and cornbread are what's for dinner then we will learn to love beans and cornbread. Peace is priceless and I must have it in my life. I can no longer allow myself to feel pressured and stressed, I must fight for peace. Toxic relationships will be ended, spending will be cut, rest will be a priority, and maintaining Christ as the center of my life will be put at the forefront of my commitment list.
This year if I gain a few pounds so be it, if I drink a coke everyday who cares but I will not be manipulated or mistreated. I will not be bullied by anyone. I will fight for peace and if you are a manipulator then get ready to be kicked to the curb. Fighting for peace does not mean that I do not love people or that I do not want to be involved or helpful but it means that I am giving myself permission to say no. I love myself enough to say that it is not a good time. This is not against anyone or because of anyone, it is personal. I love to help which in turn causes me to over commit, I want acceptance so I do not always remove toxic people in my life quickly enough... no more. Peace at any cost is my motto and if you don't like then lump it. Yeah that is what I said, lump it... hahaha.
I hope as you sit down this week and think about the changes that you want to make in the upcoming year that you too will consider resolutions that are obtainable and of true importance. Getting healthy physically is great but getting healthy mentally is more important. Making new relationships is fine, but building healthy relationships is better. Inner peace, loving yourself, and making yourself a priority must happen and when it does everything else will fall into place. I do not know what I am called to do, I am unsure what God's plan for my life is but by seeking His peace I will in turn discover His plan for me.
By making peace a priority I may pay off some of that debt, lose a few pounds, and even get all that laundry completed. To all of you I say, Happy New Year and good luck with those resolutions!!!
Helena
A glimpse into my world as I explore the depths of my thoughts & navigate this thing we call life.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
Blind Faith
Have you ever been asked to do something that you just were not sure about? Maybe you didn't know how to do it or lacked the skills to complete the task. Or maybe you are scared and unsure about it. Blind faith can be very scary but it wouldn't be faith if you knew the outcome and didn't have a few reservations about taking the step.
Jerry and I walked out in blind faith about five months ago. Jerry had been working for a company just shy of seven years but we had been feeling the leading for him to leave for almost 18 months. We had ignored the leading that we were feeling for a long time because the timing was never right. Jerry had a very good salary where he was, good benefits, and was comfortable in the job... he was good at what he did. We could not be without insurance because of Emma's medical issues & our budget could not afford a large pay cut, needless to say trying to change jobs was not ideal. In May of this year it became obvious that we could no longer put off what we knew must be done so we started the job hunt.
Shortly into the hunt Jerry had a contact that was able to get Jerry's foot in the door with a great company. Yet again, the timing was not ideal. I was entering into the 3rd trimester of my pregnancy with Jensen, the pay was almost $15,000 less than what he was making at that time, and insurance benefits would not pick us up until months after the baby was born. Jerry and I prayed about and agreed that he should at least have an interview. They loved Jerry and offered him the job on the spot so now the ball was in our court. So Jerry asked them if he could have a few days to get back with them so that we could pray about it. We prayed about it for several days already knowing what we were to do but also thinking maybe we missed God. How can God be leading us to leave this job? We had a baby on the way.
Well Jerry did take the job but had to pass several tests before it became official. So while Jerry was prepping for all of the test he remained with the other company. During this time anything that could go wrong did. We had 3 vehicles at the time but one of them needed a costly repair so we were selling it, the 2nd vehicle had started acting up regularly so we were planning on using the money from the selling of the 1st car to repair it. Things started getting crazy with Emma and I was getting closer to delivery. But we remained steady and continued to prepare for the job change. We were praying that Jensen would arrive while Jerry was still at his job so that insurance would cover it since all of our deductibles were met.
During all of this Jerry receives a call from the hiring manager at his new company telling him they need him sooner than later and to gets everything in order to start his new job asap. So on July 25th Jerry started his new job. Jensen still was not here, we had just sold the 1st vehicle only to find out that the 2nd vehicle was beyond repair and need to be sold. We proceeded to sell the 2nd vehicle for whatever we could get out of it and trusted that God would handle the rest.
So here we are with one vehicle, a baby due any day, and a salary that is $15,000 less then before. Talk about walking in faith. Jensen arrives August 4th without any issues and all seems well with the world until that night at least. We were informed that night that we had no insurance coverage. We had taken steps to avoid the drop in coverage before Jerry left his previous employer so we were caught off guard by this news. Then the week after Jensen arrived Jerry's final paycheck did not arrive & the company had no plans of paying him... he left on good terms but his direct boss was shady. Here we are with a one week old, no insurance, and now little to no money. I was flipping out but had enough peace to know that God had led us here so He would handle it.
We had postponed buying a replacement vehicle with the monies we had made off of the selling of the other two vehicles so we did have money in savings. We lived off of that money and I believe wholeheartedly that God ordained that because if we had proceeded with the purchase of another vehicle we would have been in a very bad situation. The money we had in savings almost matched the amount that Jerry would have received from his final paycheck. Also by Jerry taking this new job the drop in income as well as the loss of insurance allowed us to receive TennCare for Emma and all of the boys. This was a big deal because Emma's care is costly & this coverage would cover her 100%; we had never qualified for it before so this was a very big deal.
Jerry taking this new job was very scary but the benefits to our family, our marriage, and our future have outweighed the risks monumentiously. We have found out recently through friends at Jerry's previous job that things have only gotten worse there, several people have been fired and it doesn't look like it will be getting any better. Looking back on all that has happened let's me know that God knew what he was doing even if we didn't. We have less money, one vehicle, and insurance that didn't become effective until just recently but we have more peace, joy and appreciation than ever before.
I was without insurance when Jensen arrived and as those bills arrive I have to remind myself yet again that God's handling it. The step that we took in blind faith has opened up new doors for both Jerry and myself. We are finding new ways to make ends meet, rearranging financial priorities, and juggling the budget cuts in creative ways. I have started making all natural chemical & metal free laundry detergent that I sell & we make one car work for us as best we can.
Let me end by saying, blind faith is scary but it is worth it. If God is leading you to take a step of faith don't hesitate, jump on out there and watch His grace & provision catch you... Praying for you guys today.
Helena
Jerry and I walked out in blind faith about five months ago. Jerry had been working for a company just shy of seven years but we had been feeling the leading for him to leave for almost 18 months. We had ignored the leading that we were feeling for a long time because the timing was never right. Jerry had a very good salary where he was, good benefits, and was comfortable in the job... he was good at what he did. We could not be without insurance because of Emma's medical issues & our budget could not afford a large pay cut, needless to say trying to change jobs was not ideal. In May of this year it became obvious that we could no longer put off what we knew must be done so we started the job hunt.
Shortly into the hunt Jerry had a contact that was able to get Jerry's foot in the door with a great company. Yet again, the timing was not ideal. I was entering into the 3rd trimester of my pregnancy with Jensen, the pay was almost $15,000 less than what he was making at that time, and insurance benefits would not pick us up until months after the baby was born. Jerry and I prayed about and agreed that he should at least have an interview. They loved Jerry and offered him the job on the spot so now the ball was in our court. So Jerry asked them if he could have a few days to get back with them so that we could pray about it. We prayed about it for several days already knowing what we were to do but also thinking maybe we missed God. How can God be leading us to leave this job? We had a baby on the way.
Well Jerry did take the job but had to pass several tests before it became official. So while Jerry was prepping for all of the test he remained with the other company. During this time anything that could go wrong did. We had 3 vehicles at the time but one of them needed a costly repair so we were selling it, the 2nd vehicle had started acting up regularly so we were planning on using the money from the selling of the 1st car to repair it. Things started getting crazy with Emma and I was getting closer to delivery. But we remained steady and continued to prepare for the job change. We were praying that Jensen would arrive while Jerry was still at his job so that insurance would cover it since all of our deductibles were met.
During all of this Jerry receives a call from the hiring manager at his new company telling him they need him sooner than later and to gets everything in order to start his new job asap. So on July 25th Jerry started his new job. Jensen still was not here, we had just sold the 1st vehicle only to find out that the 2nd vehicle was beyond repair and need to be sold. We proceeded to sell the 2nd vehicle for whatever we could get out of it and trusted that God would handle the rest.
So here we are with one vehicle, a baby due any day, and a salary that is $15,000 less then before. Talk about walking in faith. Jensen arrives August 4th without any issues and all seems well with the world until that night at least. We were informed that night that we had no insurance coverage. We had taken steps to avoid the drop in coverage before Jerry left his previous employer so we were caught off guard by this news. Then the week after Jensen arrived Jerry's final paycheck did not arrive & the company had no plans of paying him... he left on good terms but his direct boss was shady. Here we are with a one week old, no insurance, and now little to no money. I was flipping out but had enough peace to know that God had led us here so He would handle it.
We had postponed buying a replacement vehicle with the monies we had made off of the selling of the other two vehicles so we did have money in savings. We lived off of that money and I believe wholeheartedly that God ordained that because if we had proceeded with the purchase of another vehicle we would have been in a very bad situation. The money we had in savings almost matched the amount that Jerry would have received from his final paycheck. Also by Jerry taking this new job the drop in income as well as the loss of insurance allowed us to receive TennCare for Emma and all of the boys. This was a big deal because Emma's care is costly & this coverage would cover her 100%; we had never qualified for it before so this was a very big deal.
Jerry taking this new job was very scary but the benefits to our family, our marriage, and our future have outweighed the risks monumentiously. We have found out recently through friends at Jerry's previous job that things have only gotten worse there, several people have been fired and it doesn't look like it will be getting any better. Looking back on all that has happened let's me know that God knew what he was doing even if we didn't. We have less money, one vehicle, and insurance that didn't become effective until just recently but we have more peace, joy and appreciation than ever before.
I was without insurance when Jensen arrived and as those bills arrive I have to remind myself yet again that God's handling it. The step that we took in blind faith has opened up new doors for both Jerry and myself. We are finding new ways to make ends meet, rearranging financial priorities, and juggling the budget cuts in creative ways. I have started making all natural chemical & metal free laundry detergent that I sell & we make one car work for us as best we can.
Let me end by saying, blind faith is scary but it is worth it. If God is leading you to take a step of faith don't hesitate, jump on out there and watch His grace & provision catch you... Praying for you guys today.
Helena
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Sacrifice
Today I want to take the time to share a little about our sweet daughter Emma. Some of you know her story and some of you do not. It is one that will forever change your outlook on God's faithfulness and grace.
February 5, 2007 was just another day like most other's before it. Emma was 2 1/2 and full of life, Brady was 9mths and had taken his first steps the night before. That weekend had brought us a lite dusting of snow and some icy spots on the roads. We woke up that morning to goopy eyes & runny noses so a trip the the doctor was in order. After a quick trip to the doctor, lunch with Daddy, and dropping of prescriptions to the pharmacy we returned home for some much needed naps. On the drive home I took our normal route although I knew there could potentially be some slick spots. I proceed with caution along the winding back roads towards our home but as we grew closer to home I noticed a large icy patch. We made it safely across the patch with little to no turbulence and I made note of its location to ensure safe travel back to the pharmacy later that day. Well safe travel was not what occurred and Emma, Brady, and myself were involved in an accident that almost took Emma's life. As I sit here now so many emotions of the day rush back as though it was just yesterday. Brady, my chubby 9month old trapped in the car & me reassuring him that Mommy was right there. And Emma, oh sweet Emma, fighting to take every breathe. As I stood there knowing that this was probably my last chance to say all the things that mother's say in order to soothe their babies I clung tight to the faith that was the root of who I was. I did not beg God to save her but instead ushered her into His presence telling her that Jesus was there with her & that we would meet her again in Heaven someday.
When the ambulance arrived I stood by as they cut her from the vehicle holding tight to Brady not knowing what the next moment would bring. In that moment I sacrificed so much of myself to remain calm but to be honest my strength was not my own and it hasn't not been my own strength since that day.
Today has been a day that has reminded me of so many of the sacrifices that have been made since that fateful day in February 2007. Emma is being considered as a candidate for a new piece of equipment that would greatly improve her long term quality of life. The piece of equipment is possibly not covered under insurance so yet again we embark on the journey of sacrifice as so many families in our position do; you decide what is more important and do what it takes to obtain it. I sit here trying to remember the last pair of jeans that I bought for myself that did not come from Goodwill, I love the Goodwill so do not misunderstand. Sacrifice has come in so many forms in the last 4+ yrs but I would never trade them because they have gotten Emma to where she is today as well as made our family what we are today. I am thankful for every sacrifice that we have made along the way, so do not think this is a pity party.
I have shared all of this with you to get to this question? Have you ever weighed in the balance the sacrifice that has been made for you? Have you ever truly sat down and reflected on the level of sacrifice given? I challenge you to take some time during this busy holiday season to reflect on what this season is really all about. It is about a baby born in a manger who 33 years later bore a cross so that we could have life eternal. He endured a beating that cannot be described in words, shed His blood, and took the cross completely blameless. He was the sacrifice for our lives, sinless and without blemish He was the perfect sacrifice for people who were undeserving. How's that for sacrifice?
So as we all begin to prepare for family gatherings, Christmas parties, and the other events that come with this time of year let's keep our focus where it should be, on Jesus Christ.
Let's also remember those less fortunate than ourselves. You may not be able to give money but you can give the gift of kindness. Make a meal, bake cookies, donate items to a shelter, serve at the Soup kitchen. There are so many things you can do to bless others around you. You can sacrifice your time, your talents, or your resources. Maybe instead of that cup of coffee or dinner out you can buy a book or toy and donate it to your local Children's Hospital or Ronald McDonald House... we are huge supporters of RMH because that was our home while Emma was in the hospital. I challenge you to think about what you can sacrifice to help someone in need.
Also, if you would be interested in purchasing a book that you could feel good about donating to charity check out www.squigglyandfriends.com It is a great book for every kid in your life. Squiggly is a great example of how God can take an unlikely person, or snail, and turn them into a hero.
Merry Christmas to all of you and remember to keep the sacrifice that mattered the most at the center of your celebrations.
Helena
 |
| Emma April 2007, 2 1/2 months after her accident. |
February 5, 2007 was just another day like most other's before it. Emma was 2 1/2 and full of life, Brady was 9mths and had taken his first steps the night before. That weekend had brought us a lite dusting of snow and some icy spots on the roads. We woke up that morning to goopy eyes & runny noses so a trip the the doctor was in order. After a quick trip to the doctor, lunch with Daddy, and dropping of prescriptions to the pharmacy we returned home for some much needed naps. On the drive home I took our normal route although I knew there could potentially be some slick spots. I proceed with caution along the winding back roads towards our home but as we grew closer to home I noticed a large icy patch. We made it safely across the patch with little to no turbulence and I made note of its location to ensure safe travel back to the pharmacy later that day. Well safe travel was not what occurred and Emma, Brady, and myself were involved in an accident that almost took Emma's life. As I sit here now so many emotions of the day rush back as though it was just yesterday. Brady, my chubby 9month old trapped in the car & me reassuring him that Mommy was right there. And Emma, oh sweet Emma, fighting to take every breathe. As I stood there knowing that this was probably my last chance to say all the things that mother's say in order to soothe their babies I clung tight to the faith that was the root of who I was. I did not beg God to save her but instead ushered her into His presence telling her that Jesus was there with her & that we would meet her again in Heaven someday.
When the ambulance arrived I stood by as they cut her from the vehicle holding tight to Brady not knowing what the next moment would bring. In that moment I sacrificed so much of myself to remain calm but to be honest my strength was not my own and it hasn't not been my own strength since that day.
Today has been a day that has reminded me of so many of the sacrifices that have been made since that fateful day in February 2007. Emma is being considered as a candidate for a new piece of equipment that would greatly improve her long term quality of life. The piece of equipment is possibly not covered under insurance so yet again we embark on the journey of sacrifice as so many families in our position do; you decide what is more important and do what it takes to obtain it. I sit here trying to remember the last pair of jeans that I bought for myself that did not come from Goodwill, I love the Goodwill so do not misunderstand. Sacrifice has come in so many forms in the last 4+ yrs but I would never trade them because they have gotten Emma to where she is today as well as made our family what we are today. I am thankful for every sacrifice that we have made along the way, so do not think this is a pity party.
I have shared all of this with you to get to this question? Have you ever weighed in the balance the sacrifice that has been made for you? Have you ever truly sat down and reflected on the level of sacrifice given? I challenge you to take some time during this busy holiday season to reflect on what this season is really all about. It is about a baby born in a manger who 33 years later bore a cross so that we could have life eternal. He endured a beating that cannot be described in words, shed His blood, and took the cross completely blameless. He was the sacrifice for our lives, sinless and without blemish He was the perfect sacrifice for people who were undeserving. How's that for sacrifice?
So as we all begin to prepare for family gatherings, Christmas parties, and the other events that come with this time of year let's keep our focus where it should be, on Jesus Christ.
Let's also remember those less fortunate than ourselves. You may not be able to give money but you can give the gift of kindness. Make a meal, bake cookies, donate items to a shelter, serve at the Soup kitchen. There are so many things you can do to bless others around you. You can sacrifice your time, your talents, or your resources. Maybe instead of that cup of coffee or dinner out you can buy a book or toy and donate it to your local Children's Hospital or Ronald McDonald House... we are huge supporters of RMH because that was our home while Emma was in the hospital. I challenge you to think about what you can sacrifice to help someone in need.
Also, if you would be interested in purchasing a book that you could feel good about donating to charity check out www.squigglyandfriends.com It is a great book for every kid in your life. Squiggly is a great example of how God can take an unlikely person, or snail, and turn them into a hero.
Merry Christmas to all of you and remember to keep the sacrifice that mattered the most at the center of your celebrations.
Helena
Monday, December 12, 2011
Lacking that Holiday Spirit
Tonight as I attempt to wind down I find myself feeling overwhelmed with all the "to-do's" that come with this time of year. We have all heard it before that this supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. But let's get honest, It can be the most stressful time of the year. Family to see, gifts to buy, parties to attend, food to cook, plus the everyday stuff on top of that. Man I am feeling stressed just typing all this.
What happened to the days when Christmas was such a big deal? The anticipation grew each day as I wondered what would be beneath the tree. When I was a child my cousin Christy and I would call each other every year on Christmas day just to tell each other what we got that year and share in the excitement of what the other received. We did this even up until we graduated high school. We don't do that anymore, not because we have lost touch with each other but because life happened. We are adults now, she is married with a life of her own and I have a husband & four little ones that consume my holiday now. Not to mention the fact that I generally don't get much besides an ornament from Jerry, if he remembers to get it that is... hahaha. I find myself struggling to get into the Spirit of the Holiday more so this year then ever before. Maybe it is because I am tired & the tasks seem daunting or maybe it is the fact that I feel pressure from outside sources to fulfill what they want for the holiday.
I have heard several lessons lately about how to remove stress from our lives at the holidays. Each one was informative and I walked away with great ideas yet I am still feeling Grinch-like. For the most part the shopping is done with only odds & ends left to get but I still feel like there are so many things left undone. Each year I say to myself "I am gonna bake homemade bread & cookies to give to our families as gifts." But each year that never happens. This year I have yet another idea of a homemade gift but I have yet to start it and wonder if I ever will. My mind fills with all of these wonderful ideas but they never come to fruition, which in turn magnifies the fact that I am a starter but not a finisher... I am a never a closer. So here in lies my holiday doldrums... I build up expectations for myself but never fulfill them.
I have tried to stop this cycle year after year by putting the emphasis on the real reason for the season, Jesus, but I fall into the pit of good intentions year after year. I envision this perfect holiday and find myself disappointed when I am not able to bring it from idea to reality. I find myself succumbing to the pressures of the world at this time of year which adds to the feeling of disappointment... Clearly I need to pray through about some things don't you think?
As I laid on the couch with Jensen tonight I found myself saying "He must have a present under the tree." He is 4mths old & has no concept of Christmas but yet I am putting more pressure on myself to have a present for him. I do want to get a "Baby's 1st Christmas" ornament but besides that why am I feeling like I need to get him something? I have bigger fish to fry like decorating our tree that was not even up until last night. I still need to have his 3mth pictures done even though he is no longer 3mths but instead I am stressing about getting him a gift. Maybe I need to take a chill pill, you agree?
So tonight as I write this I am attempting to remove some of this self inflicted pressure to pull off a perfect holiday. At the end of the day all that this time of year really should be about is the birth if the Saviour, I need to remind myself of that every time I start to have an anxiety attack over the perfect presents or lack there of. I hope that you are having a stress free holiday season & that you cannot relate at all to what I myself am feeling. To those of you that can possibly relate go have some hot cocoa, turn on the Christmas music, and just get store bought cookies to give to the family.
Helena
What happened to the days when Christmas was such a big deal? The anticipation grew each day as I wondered what would be beneath the tree. When I was a child my cousin Christy and I would call each other every year on Christmas day just to tell each other what we got that year and share in the excitement of what the other received. We did this even up until we graduated high school. We don't do that anymore, not because we have lost touch with each other but because life happened. We are adults now, she is married with a life of her own and I have a husband & four little ones that consume my holiday now. Not to mention the fact that I generally don't get much besides an ornament from Jerry, if he remembers to get it that is... hahaha. I find myself struggling to get into the Spirit of the Holiday more so this year then ever before. Maybe it is because I am tired & the tasks seem daunting or maybe it is the fact that I feel pressure from outside sources to fulfill what they want for the holiday.
I have heard several lessons lately about how to remove stress from our lives at the holidays. Each one was informative and I walked away with great ideas yet I am still feeling Grinch-like. For the most part the shopping is done with only odds & ends left to get but I still feel like there are so many things left undone. Each year I say to myself "I am gonna bake homemade bread & cookies to give to our families as gifts." But each year that never happens. This year I have yet another idea of a homemade gift but I have yet to start it and wonder if I ever will. My mind fills with all of these wonderful ideas but they never come to fruition, which in turn magnifies the fact that I am a starter but not a finisher... I am a never a closer. So here in lies my holiday doldrums... I build up expectations for myself but never fulfill them.
I have tried to stop this cycle year after year by putting the emphasis on the real reason for the season, Jesus, but I fall into the pit of good intentions year after year. I envision this perfect holiday and find myself disappointed when I am not able to bring it from idea to reality. I find myself succumbing to the pressures of the world at this time of year which adds to the feeling of disappointment... Clearly I need to pray through about some things don't you think?
As I laid on the couch with Jensen tonight I found myself saying "He must have a present under the tree." He is 4mths old & has no concept of Christmas but yet I am putting more pressure on myself to have a present for him. I do want to get a "Baby's 1st Christmas" ornament but besides that why am I feeling like I need to get him something? I have bigger fish to fry like decorating our tree that was not even up until last night. I still need to have his 3mth pictures done even though he is no longer 3mths but instead I am stressing about getting him a gift. Maybe I need to take a chill pill, you agree?
So tonight as I write this I am attempting to remove some of this self inflicted pressure to pull off a perfect holiday. At the end of the day all that this time of year really should be about is the birth if the Saviour, I need to remind myself of that every time I start to have an anxiety attack over the perfect presents or lack there of. I hope that you are having a stress free holiday season & that you cannot relate at all to what I myself am feeling. To those of you that can possibly relate go have some hot cocoa, turn on the Christmas music, and just get store bought cookies to give to the family.
Helena
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