Lacking that Holiday Spirit

Tonight as I attempt to wind down I find myself feeling overwhelmed with all the "to-do's" that come with this time of year. We have all heard it before that this supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. But let's get honest, It can be the most stressful time of the year. Family to see, gifts to buy, parties to attend, food to cook, plus the everyday stuff on top of that. Man I am feeling stressed just typing all this.

What happened to the days when Christmas was such a big deal? The anticipation grew each day as I wondered what would be beneath the tree. When I was a child my cousin Christy and I would call each other every year on Christmas day just to tell each other what we got that year and share in the excitement of what the other received. We did this even up until we graduated high school. We don't do that anymore, not because we have lost touch with each other but because life happened. We are adults now, she is married with a life of her own and I have a husband & four little ones that consume my holiday now. Not to mention the fact that I generally don't get much besides an ornament from Jerry, if he remembers to get it that is... hahaha. I find myself struggling to get into the Spirit of the Holiday more so this year then ever before. Maybe it is because I am tired & the tasks seem daunting or maybe it is the fact that I feel pressure from outside sources to fulfill what they want for the holiday.

I have heard several lessons lately about how to remove stress from our lives at the holidays. Each one was informative and I walked away with great ideas yet I am still feeling Grinch-like. For the most part the shopping is done with only odds & ends left to get but I still feel like there are so many things left undone. Each year I say to myself "I am gonna bake homemade bread & cookies to give to our families as gifts." But each year that never happens. This year I have yet another idea of a homemade gift but I have yet to start it and wonder if I ever will. My mind fills with all of these wonderful ideas but they never come to fruition, which in turn magnifies the fact that I am a starter but not a finisher... I am a never a closer. So here in lies my holiday doldrums... I build up expectations for myself but never fulfill them.

I have tried to stop this cycle year after year by putting the emphasis on the real reason for the season, Jesus, but I fall into the pit of good intentions year after year. I envision this perfect holiday and find myself disappointed when I am not able to bring it from idea to reality.  I find myself succumbing to the pressures of the world at this time of year which adds to the feeling of disappointment... Clearly I need to pray through about some things don't you think? 

As I laid on the couch with Jensen tonight I found myself saying "He must have a present under the tree." He is 4mths old & has no concept of Christmas but yet I am putting more pressure on myself to have a present for him. I do want to get a "Baby's 1st Christmas" ornament but besides that why am I feeling like I need to get him something? I have bigger fish to fry like decorating our tree that was not even up until last night. I still need to have his 3mth pictures done even though he is no longer 3mths but instead I am stressing about getting him a gift. Maybe I need to take a chill pill, you agree?

So tonight as I write this I am attempting to remove some of this self inflicted pressure to pull off a perfect holiday. At the end of the day all that this time of year really should be about is the birth if the Saviour, I need to remind myself of that every time I start to have an anxiety attack over the perfect presents or lack there of. I hope that you are having a stress free holiday season & that you cannot relate at all to what I myself am feeling. To those of you that can possibly relate go have some hot cocoa, turn on the Christmas music, and just get store bought cookies to give to the family.

Helena